Cry Me a Foggy River of Grief: My Lesson in the Spirit of Grief

Can Jesus truly wipe every tear that we cry?

Grief…is a hard thing to bear. The fog that the Spirit of Grief causes can be so painful that it will debilitate you if you are not careful. How am I acquainted with this Spirit of Grief? Well, let’s just say that foggy, painful spirit came to visit me one day unexpectedly, rushing in and overpowering me in just a few moments, taking over my life and my family’s lives.

It was a Saturday, much like any other Saturday, and me and my family were doing our usual Saturday stuff: cleaning, laundry, lounging about the house, and basically taking our languid, hot and humid, last days of summer for granted. Little did we know our lives were about to change forever; mine in a huge way!

My family and I had lived next to Momma, and had for a number of years. Saturday morning was her spa day where she went to her family friend, she had know most of her life, for her hair appointment: cut, wash, and set. And Momma more than deserved it. But this morning Momma’s car had not moved. I kept watching it, wondering why Momma hadn’t left. My oldest brother, who recently had open heart surgery, came to do his walking, as he periodically walked around the farm for his health.

Then it happened! The phone rang. I picked it up. My sister in law came on the line, upset. She told me my brother was at Momma’s house. He found her on the floor. Immediately gasping in fear, I ran and found them. On the heels of that, it began…the Spirit of Grief.

The doctor’s diagnosis: a heart attack, a stroke, and very little chance of recovery.

That is when the Spirit of Grief took over my life. I can’t tell you how devastating this was to me…and all of us. We are a large family. Seven brothers and sisters with children and grandchildren began to mourn.

I’m gonna be real here. The pain was so terrible that I cried and “snotted” up so many of my husbands shirts, in a fog of debilitating grief. He never complained, just held me when I cried. He didn’t know anything else to do…and there wasn’t anything else he could.

After her funeral, I began to cry every day. The spirit of grief took over my life. My husband and my children had to listen to me sobbing morning and night. It was horrible. Somewhere inside of me, I knew I was grieving, not just the end of Momma’s life here on earth, and I would never see her again, but the end of our family and the familiar way we loved it and viewed life. All we knew was the way it had always been. Now, it would never be the same. Our family, in many ways, would drift apart since Momma wasn’t there, our matron, our linchpin that held us all together.

There would be no familiar family dinners, people in and out of her house, hanging around, gossiping, laughing, watching grandchildren grow together. Thanksgiving, Christmas, wonderful days of love, fellowship, and closeness around her and her “table of life,” was gone. We would all have to learn a new way of life…and it would be difficult.

Every day I went to my job. Afterwards, on the way home, I would cry all the way there, in a fog, barely seeing the road, not caring if anyone saw me. I had to drive by Momma’s house to get to mine. I prayed so hard for the Lord to help me make it through. If he didn’t help me, I would not. I tried so hard to be strong, suck it up, but I couldn’t, and didn’t understand why. My heart broke every day; a river of tears poured out. Debilitating grief seemed to control me. This went on for months. For months I could not bear to think about Momma, my heart was so heavy, gripped in painful fog the Spirit of Grief brought with it. It was torture. My memories tainted with it. Grief is like a toxic weed in the garden of our happy memories.

fog of grief

But then, my tears became less as I did not cry every day. At the end of a year, my tears dried up. That painful fog, Spirit of Grief seemed to have lifted. Here, I want to tell you all how grateful, truly thankful to the Lord I am for letting me cry a river of tears for that year. My husband held me outwardly, but Jesus held me inwardly. Afterwards, I was still sad, missed her, and missed sitting on the front porch with her rocking and talking. She was salt of the earth.

What did I learn about the Spirit of Grief?

When you lose someone, you don’t have to get stuck in grief. Grief becomes a liar, a lying spirit. It tells you you have to keep it, the egregious Spirit of Grief. It says, “I’ll keep you connected to your lost loved one. Unless you use me–Grief–everyone will think you never really loved them.” Grief says, “In remembering your loved one, you have to remember them through me. I connect you. I, and I alone, can keep them alive in you, even though it is painful.”

I’m here to kick Grief in the shins! It is a lying spirit!

After crying that year, I stopped. For awhile, when I thought of Momma, I didn’t feel anything. It was strange, and I didn’t understand it. After awhile, I realized God had given me peace about Momma. This takes awhile to get to know and understand, this strange peace. A few years past. My memories of Momma began to be bright, joy filled, and a sheer pleasure. No more pain when I remembered her. Grief, that hateful, foggy, lying spirit, was gone. It could no more painfully taint my memories of Momma and our family, as we once were.

My love and joy now, now fortified in God’s peace, connected me to Momma, Daddy, my brothers, sisters, and all the grands. My memories are a true treasure, not the grief riddled ones of that whole year of crying. I realized my tears and tear ducts were there for a reason. I cried me a river of that Spirit of Grief right out of me. So, if you have lost people you love, just cry yourself a river. Pray for God to help you overcome the painful, foggy Spirit of Grief so you can remember your lost loved ones with love and joy, not through the painful, foggy, lying Spirit of Grief that only wants to taint your memories of them through pain.

When I cried, Jesus began wiping my tears until he had wiped them all.

It was a painful, yet wonderful lesson this tough, southern girl learned. Crying can be cleansing! Don’t suck it up! Cry yourself a river! I cried me a river! It saved me from the Spirit of Grief and always remembering my Momma, and the way we were, through a foggy pain.

I hope you enjoyed this. I hope it will help you as you deal with, and heal from the foggy, painful, and debilitating Spirit of Grief. It is my wish, my desire, that you let Jesus love you and wipe every tear you cry if you are in a journey through grief and pain. Through Jesus, I found a light at the end of the foggy, painful, tunnel-like Spirit of Grief. I sincerely hope you can come to know His love and healing too.

Be blessed in the Lord! And don’t forget to leave me your thoughts in the comment section. I would love to hear from you. Go to the contact page and follow me if you would like to receive my “once a month” inspirational thoughts about life, love, and romance from the homestead.

Don’t forget to check out my page, Shop for Love, where you can find all my books. Follow me on FaceBook, Twitter, and Instagram.

From Romance and the Homestead,

Della

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